Tomorrow I am having gastric bypass. It is so hard to believe that it is finally here. I am sure some of your are wondering what the point of all this is. Why I am being so open? Why I am I sharing thoughts and feelings that others would be embarrassed to share? Well... The answer isn't as easy as I thought it would be. So I will probably ramble but I want to explain it the best I can.
I am naturally an extremely open person. Sometimes to a fault and I have been known to over share. But that is really who I am. I try not to hide things and sometimes it gets me into trouble. Anyways... in January of this year I visited Dr. A so that he could refer me to a surgeon for gastric bypass. The first surgeon he picked wasn't covered but the second was. My first appointment with Dr. Babineau was in late March. That day I learned that there would be a long waiting period and a list of things I had to do. The first thing and the thing that would take the longest was six months worth of classes. That appointment counted as the first but I still had five more months to go. I had to have a letter from my family doctor, psychological evaluation, dietitian consult, exercise consult, TSH (lab test for Thyroid) and H Pylori Test. All of these were relatively easy. The one thing on the list that scared me the most was the psychological evaluation. I have been diagnosed with depression since I was 18 and have been medicated for it ever since. I was so scared that the depression was going to keep me from the surgery. Long story short... I passed my psych eval. My depression levels were normal but my anxiety levels were off the chart. They suggested I start seeing a therapist to try to deal with those without adding another medication. So, as with everything else with this process, I go above and beyond the call of duty. I scheduled my first therapist appointment with Wayne two weeks later. I never would have thought that one man could help me so much. The first week that I met with Wayne we talked about all kinds of things. Especially the things that were causing me nervousness. My greatest fear is my Mom dying. There is nothing else in the world that scares me more than that. So we talked about it for most of that session. It is faith based counseling so we talked about Heaven and God not wanting us to live in fear. He reminded me that even when the time came, it was ok to be sad but the we would be together again. I take refuge in that everyday. Anyways... At the end of the session he asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I was confused. Three years ago the answer was easy. Art Director and whatever it took to get there. Now... not so much. I still love design but I couldn't spend day in and day out telling people whether their art was good or not. It would break my heart and not what I want to do forever. Since I didn't have a solid answer of what I wanted to do with my life I was given a homework assignment. The next time I saw him I was supposed to bring the list. The very last thing on the list was "Inspire people." So here I am, telling my crazy story in my own very Sam way.
I am hoping that someone in need of support or just a smile will stumble upon this blog and find both. Or whatever they happen to be needing. I never would have thought that my being so open about this process and my journey would bring me so many blessings that I have missed seeing. I have had an outpour of support and love. I am humbled by the many people that have asked about parts and pieces of the process and were surprised when I pretty much told them my whole life story. So piece by piece and story by story... we will get there... together.
